Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
