she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
