Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
