She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
