Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
