remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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