is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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