Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
