he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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