I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
