Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
