I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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