Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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