I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
