if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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