I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
