I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Everclear isn't food dammit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
