YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
handjob tips. give me some.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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