I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
