Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
