They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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