There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
