I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
