Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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