its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
