Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
