Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
