everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
