I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
