I need to stop coming to work sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
