I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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