i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
