Small penises have feelings too.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
