I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This toilet bowl is my home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
