Just fell off a train. Bad.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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