This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
