This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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