I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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