I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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