On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
