rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
