he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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