Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
