My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
