soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
