I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
