I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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