Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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