if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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