there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
