In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
