All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
