Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
