I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
