Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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