Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
